W. C. Fields

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
I spent 50% of my money on alcohol, women, and gambling. The other half I wasted.
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
In 1915, the lock millionaire Cecil Chubb bought his wife Stonehenge. She didn’t like it, so in 1918 he gave it to the nation.
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