If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
I spent 50% of my money on alcohol, women, and gambling. The other half I wasted.
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.